Womans-Corner
Children

‘Rhonda’ - A True Story
by ‘Rhonda’

Following is a true story - one of thousands.
Uncut, Unedited

“ Have you ever raised your hand in anger towards a child? Let me tell you a story about a family I know.

Once upon a time........ As a lil girl I remember having 2 step brothers and 1 step sister. I remember a mother who hated them, 'cause they weren't hers.

I remember them hating the lil girl because sometimes the step mother treated her different, she beat them all in turn, and I'm talking BEAT, as in what ever she got her hands on til they were peeing in their pants or bruised, or bleeding.

I remember going to the store with this mother and her gettin' caught stealing food and blaming it on her children; and them getting smacked all the way to the car.

I remember thinking why don't we tell someone and being affraid of not seeing another sunrise.

I remember her sitting on me, choking me, beating my head against the floor, because I had broke the drier door.

I remember being 7 that horrible day.

I remember being sexualy abused by my oldest brother and him making everyone do it so if anyone told he could say but they did it too. So we would all be in trouble.

I remember sneaking out at nite for food, because we were so hungry our stomachs kept us awake.

I remember not hearing I love you even from my dad.

I remember being tied in a closet 'til just before mom got home because my brother thought it was fitting punishment for saying I was gonna tell mom. I don't remember how long it was that time.

I remember my little brother (16 months old) hittin' one of my brothers in the head with a hammer and him crying and my mother hitting him with a wooden bat telling him to shut up before he got more.

I remember never owning a toothbrush. Never going to the doctor when I was sick.

I remember sore throats so bad I wished I'd die but still never going to the doctor, 'til my tonsils burst in my mouth.

I remember thinking one day maybe mom would die and then it would all be over, and then thinking but who would take care of us if she did.

I remember feeling bad for thinking this.

I remember being hit in the head with an iron, 'cause it was what was convient.

I remember flinching everytime a teacher tried to hug me for doing a good job.

I remember thinking isn't there anyone out there who can love me. Then meeting someone I thought would love me and not seeing the devil lying beneath his surface.

The little girl went from bad to worse.. She was just a kid still when she got married the first time - 16 - but was so happy to get away from it all. 'til she picked her broken body up the first time and thought man, and I thought growing up was hell.

Why do I tell you this story? The abuse has to stop. Why at 36 can't this little girl let it go? Because she is still that little girl inside wanting to be loved, Because she still yearns to hear 3 little words from a mother who can't feel, I love you too mommy!

Think of this little girl the next time your child overwhelms you with a broken vase or lamp, or curfew.

Why do I know this little girl so much? Because its me. I've been there. I know more than most will ever know about abuse, and I don't want to EVER see another child go with out love!!!

Stop the violence, stop the abuse. I've still got alot of unresolved issues, don't let your child be like this little girl who still wishes mommy would say I love you, and hug me! ”

...Rhonda

Personal Note: As the victim of child abuse myself (not by my parents), I can only suggest that we all take a long, hard look at what's going on around us. That we keep an eye on each other. (No, I didn't report it. At the time (6-12) I was too embarassed and felt that somehow it was all my fault. Of course, it wasn't.)

It's not always best to report abuse cases, but you really think abuse is involved, it's better than doing nothing. Turning a deaf ear and blind eye to a situation only contributes to it by enboldening the abuser. Nipping situations in the bud can save ...

In my opinion, it's very important to confront an abuser or suspected abuser with their actions - but never alone!

I remember as a very young adult, while renting the basement suite of a house owned by a single mother (raising her brother's 3 children as well as her own 3) I would hear screaming and yelling coming from above. I'd also hear furniture moving, loud thumps, crying, and on ocasion I would actually see the woman striking the children with her broom handle and grabbing the kids by the hair and dragging them across the floor in total rage.

Now, before you judge her, let me explain something. She was a wonderful person! She was the most giving and caring person I'd ever met outside of my own mother. But, like so many of us, her physical and emotional resources were stretched to the limit and had actually snapped.

Is this an excuse for what she was doing? No. We've all been to that point at some time in our lives and had to make crucial decisions. I thought she was making the wrong ones.

Not knowing exactly what to do, I called the Abuse center, told them what was happening and let them decide whether or not this was a case of abuse. I didn't have to give them any personal information. They took the initiative to confront her. They called this woman for an appointment and made a visit.

The phone call from this agency was probably all she really needed to bring her back to her senses. She didn't realize what she was doing and it took confrontation to jolt her back to reality.

Did she raise her voice with the kids again? Of course. Did she spank them? Definitely! But to my knowledge she never lost her self-control again.

I lived in that suite for 3 years after this incident, and never once did I hear those awful sounds again. She was happier, the kids were happier... and have grown up to be wonderful, caring people. Everyone maintained their own self-worth and esteem.

Unfortunately, many of these stories don't end up as well. But in my opinion, if someone had taken the bull by the horns and confronted a suspected abuser in the beginning, many of them would.

If you're being abused, tell someone -- anyone who can give you advice and confront the situation for you or with you.

Never confront a suspected abuser alone -- or someone who is in a fit of rage alone. And never, never judge them. We all screw up. Find help.